Zeel the Great.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Because I'm qualified to bail you fuckers out of a jam.

ZEEL'S ADVICE COLUMN

Evening, loyal readers. Since I've retired from the noble art of flaming/trolling, I've decided to give out advice on the matter. Now, I'd prefer for questions on humiliating/harassing others, but as of late, I'm quite the Casanova, so I will also answer your love qualms. Now onto the few that I've done in the past



Dear Zeel, a girl in my class embarrassed me in front of everyone, how do I get back at her? her name is Sarah.

What you need to do is pants her. Pantsing is yanking down their pants in the middle of a public area. Pantsing is perfect for females cause sometimes they wear granny panties.
Look for pants that aren't tight and try to avoid pantsing during the winter, not to be merciful, but because, they might wear undergarments UNDER their pants. Also, try to track their menstrual cycle, females are more likely to wear un-sexy garments during their period.

practice pantsing at home, with sisters or cousins. Explain that it's for a school dance.

I was banned from ingame for being honest. What action do you suggest?


High tail your ass to the forums. STOCK PILE forum accounts before you begin posting. An annoying thing to do is just add numbers after them, making it painfully obvious that you are ban dodging. I sometimes use "x's". Just get creatively annoying! Once you're ready, hit the forums.


Things to DO:

swear > important, not much forums have rules against swearing, so SWEAR.
Hate everything/anything just for amusement > Be realistic though
Critique every topic in the art section > easy way to build enemies.
Accuse moderators of being corrupt assholes *IMPORTANT*


when you do get banned, throw a big fucking tantrum. YES. ASK FOR PROOF. clarification, and then when all else fails, start saying the ban time was excessive. this is ESSENTIAL. I can not begin to explain how many times I've got out of a ban by saying "okay I deserve it, but that shit is too long"

I've barrel rolled out of perma bans doing that. Just make sure you know how to do it. I dont wanna see some juinor flamers out there mucking up my tactics. Don't be a fucking loser dude.


I want to stir up internet drama. What was your favourite method?


First. I do not intentionally stir drama. Shit I say just causes drama. difference. HOWEVER, I do know a few methods.

Acting like an idiot method: apparently this is the latest trend. ALL of you seem to be doing it. This is just you going around saying stupid conspiracies. Like Hitler was an FBI agent. Or George Bush is still the president, BEHIND the scenes. You know, honestly, why do you guys say your conspiracy shit, OUT LOUD? it's one thing to think about stuff like that. it's another to sit down, write it up and publish it. that's stupid. Do you see me announcing my shit without any facts? No. I am well researched. Seriously guys, take a page from my glamorous book of ownage. Conspiracies theories are the stupidest shit you will ever see.

Hate incarnate: Don't like puppies, understandable, racist? still understandable. but do you fucking hate everything, even yourself? IF you're not at this level, you are not doing it correctly. For people like me, it's easy to hate everything. Everything is like a critical failure to me, except me. but for you guys, who think every day starts with a fucking rainbow and rabbits having tea, it might be hard.

Try to remember that your life is likely to end like every stupid fuck out there, ALONE, DESPERATE AND MISERABLE. Also the ride there is going to be LONG, ALONE, DESPERATE AND MISERABLE. remember that shit when you're humming some "peace4every1" tune. If it was up to me, the whole world would be at war with the fucking moonaliens(that exist). Nothing says ultimate hate like extraterrestrial hate.


I like a girl, but i'm not sure if she likes me. =[ How did you amass all those ladies you have dogging ur nutz?

How can I help you in that sad, sad predicament. What I'm wondering is how do you even like her? Some of you guys are just sad. I understand when you see a hot tamali and you want to spend some time on her Ferris wheel. ALL OF that is reasonable. But then some of you guys start pining this girl, it's just sad. (AND YOU DONT EVEN KNOW HER). First of all, realize that most girls are bitches, infact, most males are bitches. You don't need more bitches in your life.

However, ferris wheels are fun the first few times... So.

Once you realize that, time to make an ass out of yourself. Have you ever seen a guy upload his moves on a lady? Painfully obvious? I know. That's how it's done, folks.

Do what I did. Except i'm considerably better looking, so, this might not work for you. What I did was, I just, bitch got USE to my face. I was there, everywhere, at every angle. I hit her friends. I hit her school courses. her lunch hang out spot, I hit her bus schedule. You think it's stalking? please. You boys don't know how courting is done.

And boy did I troll that bitch until she was literally BEGGING to be taken out.

works.

Ya'll know where to contact me. I am open and waiting. shawne_hell@hotmail.com

3 comments:

  1. Puh-lease, you were too pansy to even ask the bitch out.

    Don't deny either. I have chat logs. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where'd you get those?

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're a dumb aspie loser.

    Go die in a fire.

    ReplyDelete