Zeel the Great.

Friday, May 28, 2010

I hope she doesn't read this.

To hell with this. It's one things if a women reject you, it's another when they ACCEPT you and then continue to mind fuck you to kingdom come. What is it about opposite sex that pisses me off so much? Is it the inability to make consistent responses? The emotional needy-ness and turbulence?

Surely theres a fine middle in there. Because something about this situation is not right. And I hate that i'm somehow her vanity buffer. Like I suppose to exist to make HER feel better. I--YOU guys know me. THAT'S the last thing I do. Once I compliment you once, that shit is done. I'm not going to keep telling you how pretty and fucking sparkly you are. You are a grown woman, why do you still need people to tell you how attractive you are? ( i am dating you, after all)

Then you can't even make a sexual joke without it being a fucking epidemic. AS IF the worst thing you can say is "that's what she said". You'd think she caught me with her mother. I can not assume to know what you want to hear/don't want to hear. I CANT WORK ON THAT LEVEL. ITS IMPOSSIBLE.

I'm not turning this into one of those WOMENSUK rant, cause those are bullshit. THIS WOMAN specifically sucks. AND on so many layers, it's a triple deck of suckage. I simply am disgusted at how easily she could turn my life into one of those Freddy vs Jason films. and I'm the hot cheerleader who's about to have my throat slit from behind.

And here's the best part.


Apparently I THRIVE on these interactions because I sit down and endure this treatment. I dont even understand myself anymore. Usually I'd just trounce this woman once and then act like a big jackass for the rest of the year. NOT WITH THIS WOMAN. She has broken me to the state of mental instability. I don't even think like myself anymore. Once she asked me what I thought about.... Dancing... with the stars... and.. I said.. "cool show"..


I'll act like the most sincere, earnest guy in the galaxy just for a chance at drinking her ass sweat. Lord o' mercy I'm not even kidding. I've never been the type to put up with anyone's crap, regardless of how attractive they are. But this woman has brain fucked me to a ZOMBIE like state. I CANNOT go on without her drama and her conniving crap. I wake up and i'm like how can i be de-balled today by my precious little princess? I think she could ask me to cut off my nuts, wear a dress and do the tango and I'd comply because I NEED IT, i MUST HAVE HER BOOBIEZZZZ.

Basically she is the penis of this relationship and she wears mine around her neck. Isn't she fashionable

Not tooting my own horn.. but

I have an amazingly sexy body. I just realized this again, today. My body is like an overly sexed up finely tuned machine. My body exists only to be touched and admired. I wake up (naked ofcourse) and I start wondering if living to retirement is really worth it. What do I gain? Some shitty ass titties and 4 whiny ass grandkids? No thank you. I LIKE admiring myself, that's what i LIVE for. To think.. for a moment that.. *gasp* i'd be looking at a body that looks like humpty dumpty. it sickens me. I know most of you guys are use to looking like the Kool-aid man. but I do not find that thought pleasant. It's hard to admire my body when it will be gone one day and some other new shit will have a body better than mine. THAT DOESNT SEEM FAIR.

Why do we even age? What a stupid fucking concept. After 25 our ages should just be frozen and everyone will be happy and we'd have less crimes in the world. Cause then everyone would be too busy admiring my body and my body-look-alikes.

oh by the way, a picture of my body.

Do you dream of that, girls? (and guys, unfortunately)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

When the British do something right.

Their teeth, accents and even taking showers. There isn't many things the British are good at. But there is one thing..

"uk" is that some sort of cookie?

criminal justice baby. best fucking show since SVU.

I don't think I need to go too in depth into this. if you've seen law & Order already, you've seen the basic formula. Someone dies or is seriously injured within the first 20 seconds of the episode. By minute twenty, we think we have a suspect, who NEVER turns out to be the correct suspect then we find the real suspect, who's always the guy that was totally unsuspecting, we lock them up and we get some funky ending theme song. It's a formula that's pretty simple and it kinda works and it... kinda doesn't. The UK version lacks the MYSTERY of a criminal detective show. I KNOW the first guy they catch is never the guy. EVERYONE knows that, they need to mix it up abit. And for fuck sakes, we got two male detectives, i've watched 10 episodes, not once, did they shoot anyone or anything for that matter! I want some aggression. KILL SOMETHING. AGGGGHH. In SVU, the Elliot guy would fucking smash people's faces in. Like walnuts.

How they recruited Elliot Stabler into the force

All in all, when has plot been a faulty area of Law and Order? Like, never. I'm more worried about how long I can endure all the queerness of British culture. which is abundant in this show. The episodic formula kinda spreads it out a bit but, I already sense the little character dramas that are going to be main themes in later episodes. So, I don't think it's going to get too tiring, yet. But it's still Law & Order so yeah.. Don't count the sheep yet. The flock hasn't arrived.
yeah, don't forget your dollies. lol, British.
Done very well. usually these shows have a bunch of overly hotsy women and men who don't even look 21, let ALONE like a veteran police officer.(Fringe) This show, while indeed having an attractive cast. They don't try to shove it down your throat. good looks are subtle in this show.

I mean, when was the last time i could just watch a show without my hormones going rampant? I like this new subtle approach to casting. usually the overly hot ones can't act for beans. And who else doesn't want to see another blond lead? yeah, fucking everyone. Casting gets a A+, they all can act, they aren't in my face about how hot they are. (In SVU, Elliot Stabler took off his shirt like once a week, I don't want to see your sexy body dude. STOP) So I'm happy and I think anyone whose older than 14 will be happy. Seriously gents, if you want porn go to booble, don't force your horniness onto my stuff. I don't come into your house, piss in your coffee and tell you it' adds additional flavour.

As for the actual characters of the show? Well.

Detective Sergeant Ronnie Brooks
This dude reminds me of Sherlocke Holmes. Granted, the only trait they share is being British detectives. Yes, he's the detective. Let me repeat that, he's British and he's a detective. You would think that would be a disaster of a combination, wouldn't you? But, this dude will be interrogating some cokeheads and say some British line like "let's take a gander up your blouse" and, the ladies just confess. He's amazing. Solid, solid character. him and the next guy make some detective duo and it just works. IT WORKS. Usually holly-fail would make it mandatory that the partnership be male and female. THE UK VERSION isn't scared of being gay, it's two males and it works better than penetration sex.

Detective Sergeant Matt Devlin
The younger, manlier partner of Sherlocke Holmes, he would be Watson, if Watson would ditch that ridiculous top hat. He's not as seasoned as the other detective, but, he has a PHD in Badassery. He isn't like Elliot, who's all "answer me or I'll get out my shovel". This guy will intimidate you with his British eyes. Also, seeing as him and the only bang-able chick on the show are about the same age. I suspect he'll be getting mad play later. Very soon, later.

Senior Crown Prosecutor James Steel
Our lawyer of the show. What do I say? He's cool as fuck. he wears that goofy ass lawyer wig and pulls it off better than his ACTUAL hair. Guy rapes in the courts and his character is always like "I got dis bitch on lock-down". Unfortunately this show screws with him a lot, I think he's lost like 20 of his cases. 20 cases in 6 shows. I still love you James Steel.

Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phi-wait, who the fuck is this dustmite?

Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips
There we go! Alesha Phillips. aka, bangable, aka, rape inbound, aka, complicated love triangles, aka bitches be in trouble. I've said this before, nothing is better than female leads that aren't useless like the gymset in my house. Alesha hasn't been useless, yet. NOR is there some domestic abuse past or some stupid crud like father issues or AGH. you know the stupid feminist crap they pull out. THIS woman is perfectly clean and has no dodgy bullshit we have to sweat 3 episodes through. That alone makes her, probably, the best female character in existence. All female leads please follow her example.

Director of CPS London George Castle

Old guy int he show. Oldest guy who has the most power. I don't like this guy. he does nothing. He just says some stuff like twice an episode and i'm like, why pay this guy? Apparently what he says is like "eye-opening" but all I hear is some old tart going off about how much experience he has. Get a haircut you hobo.

Typical British bloke

typical British foreplay

typical British banter

typical faulty British pronunciation

P.S A british guy I know thinks Sarah Palin is hot. LOL.

Saturday, May 8, 2010


"maybe you should just kill yourself already, you lil retard"

I swear to fucking god this is the same person. Is that all you guys have? suicide yourself you little retard. Do you think anyone sane or insane would kill themselves over you? the fucker who manage to dodge abortion three times? When I see these comments I wonder to myself, does this child deserve to be fed more than the millions of kids in Africa? FUCK no. infact, i could probably make papermache out of the money wasted on feeding this haunted little soul and it would still have a greater purpose than your existence.

FUCK off. I don't enjoy your crap fluttering up my fucking board. One day I want to show this to my god damn grandkids and it sickens me to think that they'll have to ask GrandDaddy Zeel aka the Stomper this:
"why are they spelling 'more' that way zeel?"
"because their mother should of had an abortion"
(The fucking moronic abuse of MOAR. SERIOUSLY AND YOU WONDER WHY YOU'RE A VIRGIN?)

If you want to act like you are important and your opinion matters, do so off my board. I do not entertain your existence more than the deletion button you fucking twats. Holy fudgy nut bars you guys make me weep for humanity. To think somewhere, someone is missing out on education because YOU filled the seat.

Your comments do what Science could not.
Your total lack of significance proves that there is no God.

If he existed he would of eradicated you and nuclear bombed your mother's fetus, 15 years before your birth. Yeah, he'd pull off a TIME PARADOX just to make sure your existence isn't remotely feasible.

Girls dont like me because I'm "nice"

I'm so tired of girls complaining about their relationships and how their boyfriends are jerks and they cheat on them. Like, listen bitch? YOU PICKED a DICK. that's all there is to it and when nice good guys like 'us' try and-

Please cut this shit out sons. It is sad to see grown ass adults make excuses for themselves.
So you say "well girls pick out the stupidiest shitholes in history of existence" TRUE!
but, do not think her lack of judgment has ANYTHING to do with why she isn't shacking it up with you. "nice" means she isn't attracted to you. I wouldn't expect my broski to date a girl he isn't attracted to. I definitely don't expect the more superficial gender to date some funky looking turtle looking motherfucker. I understand rejection hurts, I mean, not personally, but I get the concept of 'rejection'. Anyways, rejection bad, hurt, painful. Deluding yourself, WRONG. THESE lies DON'T HELP YOU GET LAID!

And I tell you this because I care and I hope that the next time you want to throw up these stupid defense mechanisms like:
"girls don't know what they want!"
"Girls only chase the badboys!"
"Girls are insanely superficial!"
"I am a crazy dweeb-geek and deserve a girl cause inside i am very nice and kind!"

Keep shit in check brothers, you don't deserve anything. I'm not saying woman are hard work, because they aren't, but the inside isn't nearly as important as you think. INFACT as the visual creatures, we should know this more than anyone. DON'T waste your time on these platinum bleached blondes-latino-sexy as fuck- bitches that you KNOW would not even bat their fucking eyelashes at you if you aren't making 200k+. WHY waste your time on them? They are essentially 'Rejection inbound!' I don't... please, someone explain to me this? And then you guys come to me and bitch more than the woman.

I'm not saying get some count dracula looking wench. Just understand that woman don't care if you're nice. If that is the only qualifier you have in getting a woman. Enjoy being a bachelor, because, even my swamp looking Peter Griffin sized queer of a cousin wouldn't fuck with a "nice guy".

WELL ZEEL?!? what are we to do then?!! I WANT SLURPY SLURPY!!!
Now, here's where you can learn something. Usually girls would throw out crap like

but naw, that shit isn't even necessary. Though you should get a job you lazy ass-fart. anyways..


you know, I don't know how to go about helping you guys. In my situation i would just, well.
A. I'm a stellar looking pepper sauced knocker.
B. Funny as the moon is wide.

Chances are you don't have those above qualities.. So, guys..I don't know... Alcohol? seriously. I'm sorry. HMMM. a dog..?

You know what, i'll edit this when I think of something to help you out guys.