Zeel the Great.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

When the British do something right.

Their teeth, accents and even taking showers. There isn't many things the British are good at. But there is one thing..

"uk" is that some sort of cookie?

criminal justice baby. best fucking show since SVU.

I don't think I need to go too in depth into this. if you've seen law & Order already, you've seen the basic formula. Someone dies or is seriously injured within the first 20 seconds of the episode. By minute twenty, we think we have a suspect, who NEVER turns out to be the correct suspect then we find the real suspect, who's always the guy that was totally unsuspecting, we lock them up and we get some funky ending theme song. It's a formula that's pretty simple and it kinda works and it... kinda doesn't. The UK version lacks the MYSTERY of a criminal detective show. I KNOW the first guy they catch is never the guy. EVERYONE knows that, they need to mix it up abit. And for fuck sakes, we got two male detectives, i've watched 10 episodes, not once, did they shoot anyone or anything for that matter! I want some aggression. KILL SOMETHING. AGGGGHH. In SVU, the Elliot guy would fucking smash people's faces in. Like walnuts.

How they recruited Elliot Stabler into the force

All in all, when has plot been a faulty area of Law and Order? Like, never. I'm more worried about how long I can endure all the queerness of British culture. which is abundant in this show. The episodic formula kinda spreads it out a bit but, I already sense the little character dramas that are going to be main themes in later episodes. So, I don't think it's going to get too tiring, yet. But it's still Law & Order so yeah.. Don't count the sheep yet. The flock hasn't arrived.
yeah, don't forget your dollies. lol, British.
Done very well. usually these shows have a bunch of overly hotsy women and men who don't even look 21, let ALONE like a veteran police officer.(Fringe) This show, while indeed having an attractive cast. They don't try to shove it down your throat. good looks are subtle in this show.

I mean, when was the last time i could just watch a show without my hormones going rampant? I like this new subtle approach to casting. usually the overly hot ones can't act for beans. And who else doesn't want to see another blond lead? yeah, fucking everyone. Casting gets a A+, they all can act, they aren't in my face about how hot they are. (In SVU, Elliot Stabler took off his shirt like once a week, I don't want to see your sexy body dude. STOP) So I'm happy and I think anyone whose older than 14 will be happy. Seriously gents, if you want porn go to booble, don't force your horniness onto my stuff. I don't come into your house, piss in your coffee and tell you it' adds additional flavour.

As for the actual characters of the show? Well.

Detective Sergeant Ronnie Brooks
This dude reminds me of Sherlocke Holmes. Granted, the only trait they share is being British detectives. Yes, he's the detective. Let me repeat that, he's British and he's a detective. You would think that would be a disaster of a combination, wouldn't you? But, this dude will be interrogating some cokeheads and say some British line like "let's take a gander up your blouse" and, the ladies just confess. He's amazing. Solid, solid character. him and the next guy make some detective duo and it just works. IT WORKS. Usually holly-fail would make it mandatory that the partnership be male and female. THE UK VERSION isn't scared of being gay, it's two males and it works better than penetration sex.

Detective Sergeant Matt Devlin
The younger, manlier partner of Sherlocke Holmes, he would be Watson, if Watson would ditch that ridiculous top hat. He's not as seasoned as the other detective, but, he has a PHD in Badassery. He isn't like Elliot, who's all "answer me or I'll get out my shovel". This guy will intimidate you with his British eyes. Also, seeing as him and the only bang-able chick on the show are about the same age. I suspect he'll be getting mad play later. Very soon, later.

Senior Crown Prosecutor James Steel
Our lawyer of the show. What do I say? He's cool as fuck. he wears that goofy ass lawyer wig and pulls it off better than his ACTUAL hair. Guy rapes in the courts and his character is always like "I got dis bitch on lock-down". Unfortunately this show screws with him a lot, I think he's lost like 20 of his cases. 20 cases in 6 shows. I still love you James Steel.

Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phi-wait, who the fuck is this dustmite?

Junior Crown Prosecutor Alesha Phillips
There we go! Alesha Phillips. aka, bangable, aka, rape inbound, aka, complicated love triangles, aka bitches be in trouble. I've said this before, nothing is better than female leads that aren't useless like the gymset in my house. Alesha hasn't been useless, yet. NOR is there some domestic abuse past or some stupid crud like father issues or AGH. you know the stupid feminist crap they pull out. THIS woman is perfectly clean and has no dodgy bullshit we have to sweat 3 episodes through. That alone makes her, probably, the best female character in existence. All female leads please follow her example.

Director of CPS London George Castle

Old guy int he show. Oldest guy who has the most power. I don't like this guy. he does nothing. He just says some stuff like twice an episode and i'm like, why pay this guy? Apparently what he says is like "eye-opening" but all I hear is some old tart going off about how much experience he has. Get a haircut you hobo.

Typical British bloke

typical British foreplay

typical British banter

typical faulty British pronunciation

P.S A british guy I know thinks Sarah Palin is hot. LOL.

1 comment:

  1. You keep really proving that you have no life if you write all this.