Zeel the Great.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Kate Gosselin - setting the standard for housewives everywhere!

Because of the British fangirls over at TVGASM got me eliminated.. i now have a tv recap that i wasted hours on. So Im just sticking it here. Budda' bing.

I’ll never understand why Americans our enamored by eight little shits and their prostitute of a mother. Inside Kate’s World is like watching a blind midget ride a bicycle, a cascade of failure on a mountain bike.

So you want me to recap “In Kate’s World”? for these thankless little peasants? Who throw a huge tantrum over a few British jokes? Well, giddy up then. (By the way there will be A PLETHORA of British jokes to come, suck on it) It starts off with a bunch of B list celebrities bolstering Kate Gosselin. I mean, some of these quotes are ridiculous and you can tell they realize it half way through. Here’s and example:

LOL. Tell us how you really feel.

Anyways, after about, like, what? 10ish quotes of them saying obviously rehearsed crap, we transition into a hair segment. Yes, and I counted, we spend 11minutes and 39 seconds on her hair extensions. Honestly, any one out there who is actually enjoying this show you need some serious medical help. At this point I became more preoccupied with the “CAKE BOSS” excerpt at the bottom right of the screen. Can someone tell me if that show is good? Or what it is about? Seems like people come together and make some badass cakes. Yummy. God knows I wont be watching this chick channel ever again.

it pains me that I am contributing positively to the ratings.

After, what felt a little bit like time compression, we finally move on to her bumbling fuck up on Dancing With The Stars and you know what? I don’t really understand why anyone is wasting their time discussing KATE GOSSELIN. The blonde extensions make her look like an over glossed tramp. This is just another ‘segment’ of the most trivial crap imaginable, seriously, TLC, there are kids in Mozambique who don’t even have sanitary water, why are we wasting time examining some girl’s awful dance moves? Don’t get me wrong kids, I’m not a pacifist. I just feel it’s akin to torture to force anyone to watch an hour of this.

Well switch majors, honey. You are on the wrong path!

OooOoOoo la la I’m Kate Gosselin, I had 8 kids. No one gives a shit. Get a life all you Kate Gosselin fans, you need real hobbies and REAL lives. Thankfully, they literally flood this show with commercials, which I greatly appreciate. Each break relieves the massive strain this show is putting on my cranium. When we return we usually start some other stupid insignificant part of KATE GOSSELIN’s life. This time we focus on her book signing. Again, I hate to keep ranting in the middle of this craptastic show, but what could she possibly write about? How to dance badly and still call it a ‘career move’? Please! Someone give me a shovel so I can bury this bitch and bring her back to Earth.

I bet my left nut she is sleeping with ‘Steve’ Naw, kidding. I am just fabricating shit for the heck of it. (68% chance she is shacking with him this exact moment)

The next segment was probably the best 4 seconds of the show. For the first 30ish minutes we had to deal with a lot of her stupid fangirls and her inflated sense of purpose. Her crappy book signing surely flounced her back into reality. She was expecting FIFTEEN HUNDRED FANS! And, I swear to god, I counted EIGHT. Universal Justice! God, you taste sweet on my tongue. That’s what you get for creating this ridiculous 60 minute show and making me watch it.

Oh another interesting tidbit, apparently she gets EMAIL THREATS. Seriously, Americans? Seriously? Threats to Kate Gosselin? Do you know there are REAL terrorists? This girl spends her morning cleaning up pudding pops. Why is she on anyone’s priority list? Damn. I’d really like to read some of these threats.

EDIT: Here is a real intimidating threat I’ve obtained.

Finally, to wrap this up, we spend the last 20 minutes.. on what I can only call an emotional tirade over child custodddddyy. She is tearing up and I am wondering why she has a limousine. Why is a limo necessary to take her from her home to a studio? Is she too glamorous for a taxi now? Sheese? It’s just her and KEVIN too (and the camera man) what a waste of money! Oh yeah, her crying is about people calling her a bad mother, blah, blah, end, blah, end, end. This show is total waste of my time

she said it, not me.

No comments:

Post a Comment