Zeel the Great.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Hills finally comes to an end.


specially off my tv.

Fuck you. sexy bitch

you're kind of off my tv set.

Bye bye slut rangers.
I hope you guys don't do spin off specials.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Flame Journey log #1

-start log-

This is captain Zeel, reporting from this intergalactic prison on miBination. I have been captured and detained in this medium sized cell, locked with all the gooks and all the braindead assholes.

Who am I?

I am the Galaxy Overlord or I was until some noob locked me up in this jail. I have been exploring planets since I was three, and conquering them since I was two. I travel the universe in my Hypertension Portal- Spaceship (nicknamed the Hawkinator) landing on planets and liberating them of their leaders. Sometimes I run into Mobers'.

They are born on the planet Nolyfe through a freak mutation caused by introducing nuclear power to prepubescents.

When I landed, i felt a sense of doom immediately. Here was this land, populated to the brim with these ugly looking people and with these ugly looking structures. everything was green and purple and you could tell that the City designer really had no qualifications for designing cities. The allure of a new exploration started to fade and I considered returning to my ship, several times. When I approached the community, I knew I had made a great mistake.

their aroma of stupidity began to override my senses and the mass amount of brainless zombies began to surround me. I was being quickly overwhelmed. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered.

Is this a trap?

I attempted to flee, but I was quickly outnumbered and forced to battle my way to my spaceship. I took my flaming beam sword (nick: Spartan) and began hacking their limbs off. I specifically aimed for their genitals, not wanting to kill them, but still wanting to humiliate them. I carved a Z on all females and if I had time, I would have taken them out to diner. But today, I was in danger. Today, they were surrounding me fast and gaining in numbers. I must have trounced 200 already and they were still coming.

I switched my beam sword to grenade rocker (it has that option) and began taking potshots at anyone ahead and behind me. I was obviously dominating until some big boobed bitch deflected one of my grenades into one of their badly designed structures, it looked like a neon green pillar that served no purpose and was erected in the worst possible place. "topix" they call them. They use these areas as eating locations where they lure stupidity virgins and feed on their brains.

The destruction caused more chaos then I intended. In the wake of the falling building a beast appeared, his name, i'll later find out is Moppe "the child toucher". He was about 3 times as wide as he was tall. He must of been a hybrid because I could locate his boobs and his penis. He snarled some stupid gibberish at his moronic followers. and then slowly moved his way to me.

I was still trying to find my Flame beam Sword that was lost in the chaos of the falling building. I wanted to get the fuck out of there.He looked confident, despite the fact that he was having trouble breathing and even more trouble walking. He swayed back and forth as he treaded through the debris and dead bodies. He probably thought that I gave a shit about his Nuclear powers. Finally, when he was within hearing distance he began to make up nonsense on the spot, stringing together words, sounds and bullshit warns to act tough. Because of how incomprehensible it was, i can remember the sound of each word;

"dunt qeep this up. ef iuuuuu thk uuuuu well gcet aawy with actinnnng so nega, nega, nega-tively to oddur members, then uuuuuuu are wrong. Consider this a warning. If uuuuuu qeep up this aptittuude, you will be remuved"

NOTE I think he is on some sort of space drugs.

I tried to explain to him the situation but he struck. and fast. he pinned me down and started fondling my balls. I was getting extremely worried. I was a super weight heavy champion back on Earth, so I am really strong, but this mammoth was able to overpower me without even trying and now he was attempting to couple with me. I remember yelling something like "GET OFF ME U QUEEN" but my memory of this event is hazy. After a good 5 minutes of TRYING to rape me, he put some sort of space handcuffs on me and haled my ass to jail. they call it the Ban Zone. I was pissed.

-end log-


they wear bandannas because they think it makes them cool. false

Moppe the child toucher. Prob final boss

flame thrower/grenade launder/beam sword
The Hawkinator. With missile launchers

Planet MiBination

Sunday, July 4, 2010

A Scientific Study on Education and Hot Girls

I was having a chat with my friend, some dude in life sciences and eventually we got to the topic of girls. I asked him, hows his 'situation' and he told me that.. and I quote 'the bitches be ugly'.

And i look at him like, "well how high are your standards? I cannot accept that there's no attractive female out of 300 people"

(Oh yeah, I don't use 'hot' to describe females. too juvenile. I use words like sexyfuck or stupendous)

He went "if i wanted attractive females I would of went to York"

(Playboy apparently did a study, it has the 3rd hottest women in North America. PURE HYPE. the women there are just as ugly as HIGHSCHOOL!)

this perplexed me even further, so I asked, "do you think hotness is relative to the institution? The more prestigious, the hotter?" He answers back with "the heavier the load the uglier the chick."

And i was like. "why is that? Surely hotgirls want to become Lawyers, Doctors and whatever the crap. This might just be your own bias, you assume nerdy chicks are ugly so they become ugly."

He rebuttaled with

"Deductive reasoning my friend but, I have seen those classes and ain't none of them bangable with a paper bag on their head".

I concluded.. "further research must be done!"

he retorted back "In the name of science!"

So I went to the internet, grabbed a graduating class picture and now we gonna do some study.

One of his claim is that the classes are like Yellow Mellow, shit is very asian dominated. I DIMISSED that, ASIANS are the miniority, how could they be more than 40% of the class? well...

As you can see, I divided this graduating class of Mechanical Engineering into race. (FYI, females were so rare they got their own race, purple. Which is not sexist)

Browns: 22
Blacks: 3
whites: 41
Asians: 30
Females: 7
TOTAL: 103

This photographer is such a racist. He packed all the asians in the middle, then spread the whites around and then put the browns on the left. What is he trying to imply? racist.

Anyways, the stats show us that for the miniority they kinda are doing their shit. Seriously they make up 30% of the graduating classs.. damn boy.

But, onto the serious issues, the nerdiness.

As you can see. Asians look really nerdy.. they make up about 60% of the nerdom, like damn. And trust me, i'm good at spotting nerdiness. About 80% of the Asians were nerds. Some of you might be thinking "duh!" I agree but it's good to get some factual evidence to the claim

Next, badassery. Like guys or chicks that I would hang out with cause they look so badass. I'll use devil horns to measure their badass. FYI, i'm not glassist. I just don't like dudes wearing sunglasses in broad daylight. Honestly, who are you? Fonz? You guys can't be my friends, bro.
Less than 5%. You guys are putting Engineering to shame.

Finally, the reason we started this crap.. "attractiveness". Keep in mind i was very lenient, if i was keeping these guys to MY standard. Only about two would have made it.
So.. They are no different than any other class. The fact that it's a sausage fest just makes all these guys look like extreme homosexuals.

Note: For some reason the photographer packed all the 'attractive' males in the front. JESUS! Engineers cant even get a break when graduating. Damn this superficial society!!!!!!!