This is captain Zeel, reporting from this intergalactic prison on miBination. I have been captured and detained in this medium sized cell, locked with all the gooks and all the braindead assholes.
Who am I?
I am the Galaxy Overlord or I was until some noob locked me up in this jail. I have been exploring planets since I was three, and conquering them since I was two. I travel the universe in my Hypertension Portal- Spaceship (nicknamed the Hawkinator) landing on planets and liberating them of their leaders. Sometimes I run into Mobers'.
They are born on the planet Nolyfe through a freak mutation caused by introducing nuclear power to prepubescents.
When I landed, i felt a sense of doom immediately. Here was this land, populated to the brim with these ugly looking people and with these ugly looking structures. everything was green and purple and you could tell that the City designer really had no qualifications for designing cities. The allure of a new exploration started to fade and I considered returning to my ship, several times. When I approached the community, I knew I had made a great mistake.
their aroma of stupidity began to override my senses and the mass amount of brainless zombies began to surround me. I was being quickly overwhelmed. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I wondered.
Is this a trap?
I attempted to flee, but I was quickly outnumbered and forced to battle my way to my spaceship. I took my flaming beam sword (nick: Spartan) and began hacking their limbs off. I specifically aimed for their genitals, not wanting to kill them, but still wanting to humiliate them. I carved a Z on all females and if I had time, I would have taken them out to diner. But today, I was in danger. Today, they were surrounding me fast and gaining in numbers. I must have trounced 200 already and they were still coming.
I switched my beam sword to grenade rocker (it has that option) and began taking potshots at anyone ahead and behind me. I was obviously dominating until some big boobed bitch deflected one of my grenades into one of their badly designed structures, it looked like a neon green pillar that served no purpose and was erected in the worst possible place. "topix" they call them. They use these areas as eating locations where they lure stupidity virgins and feed on their brains.
The destruction caused more chaos then I intended. In the wake of the falling building a beast appeared, his name, i'll later find out is Moppe "the child toucher". He was about 3 times as wide as he was tall. He must of been a hybrid because I could locate his boobs and his penis. He snarled some stupid gibberish at his moronic followers. and then slowly moved his way to me.
I was still trying to find my Flame beam Sword that was lost in the chaos of the falling building. I wanted to get the fuck out of there.He looked confident, despite the fact that he was having trouble breathing and even more trouble walking. He swayed back and forth as he treaded through the debris and dead bodies. He probably thought that I gave a shit about his Nuclear powers. Finally, when he was within hearing distance he began to make up nonsense on the spot, stringing together words, sounds and bullshit warns to act tough. Because of how incomprehensible it was, i can remember the sound of each word;
"dunt qeep this up. ef iuuuuu thk uuuuu well gcet aawy with actinnnng so nega, nega, nega-tively to oddur members, then uuuuuuu are wrong. Consider this a warning. If uuuuuu qeep up this aptittuude, you will be remuved"
NOTE I think he is on some sort of space drugs.
I tried to explain to him the situation but he struck. and fast. he pinned me down and started fondling my balls. I was getting extremely worried. I was a super weight heavy champion back on Earth, so I am really strong, but this mammoth was able to overpower me without even trying and now he was attempting to couple with me. I remember yelling something like "GET OFF ME U QUEEN" but my memory of this event is hazy. After a good 5 minutes of TRYING to rape me, he put some sort of space handcuffs on me and haled my ass to jail. they call it the Ban Zone. I was pissed.
they wear bandannas because they think it makes them cool. false
Moppe the child toucher. Prob final boss
flame thrower/grenade launder/beam sword
The Hawkinator. With missile launchers