Zeel the Great.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

The Zeelies - Escapist

It's become startlingly clear to me that I am the best at this here flaming thing. I'd like to think I've revolutionized the craft and inspired young jackasses to sharpen their crafts and become giant jackasses.  When I started out I was just a youngin' looking to waste time and get my jollies. Now, what? half a decade later, I've turned this little afterschool activity into an art form.

That's why I think I need to commemorate my achievements somehow and I think I know the best way.  going through all my encounters and spotlighting my best ones in various categories. You know, like the Oscars but about pure unadulterated talent and not just box office sales.
Lets Start with one of my favourite forums of this year: ESCAPIST.


He had NO redeemable quality what so ever. Even flaming him was painful, boring and pathetically easy. He was the bottom tier of the forum and I found myself utterly above responding to him.

Winner: errtheking:

Halo is gay. How old can you possibly be and still like halo? And to this day he still has that masterchief as his blasted avatar. Sorry, that game has no redeamble quality, its a shit game, with a hollow story, crappy boss fights, generic weapons and a protagonist so gay he would have anime characters running for the hills. What I don't understand is why he would brandish that taste all over the board like that. it's like admitting to a stranger you're into bondage. Like its okay if you're into bondage, but if you are, you need to stay low key about it. same thing with Halo, you stay in the closet with that taste. That taste is so bad, the moment I saw your avatar I pegged you as an anal little asshole with a giant hardon for shooter games, and  gosh darnit if I wasn't 100% on the mark. One of my biggest regrets is not getting a Halo topic up, it was actually one of my planned out Flame-kamkazi's. you know, when I was gonna go out in a pyre. I had this beautiful Halo rant topic just lined up and I swear, i was seriously considering it. it was 4th on the list for how I wanted to get banned. Thats how appaling Halo is and thats how much your tastes suck. I would literally suicide ban myself just to share my dislike for it.

You also can't construct a plausible argument.

Special mention:

you were completely nonsensical in almost everything that you wrote. I honestly dreaded replying to you because your posts would illicit such a massive headache in me. I honestly had to use advil once. I swear to god, I had to go to the bathroom and pop a painpill cause his posts were causing a splintering headache. You even manage to format your posts incorrectly, either by slapping some crappy colour on it or replying INSIDE the quote box. Like some inept retard with no sense on how the forums work. Here's some advice jackass, when you reply inside a quote BOX,s urprise surprise, I have to dig through MY reply to FIND yours. That shit drove me insane, like my time wasn't valuable, that I should spend my valuable minutes scouring my own posts for his pathetic rebuttals. It was obvious I was beyond your capabilities from your fucking name, but then you just had to reply with your fanboy sheep crap. Taunting me with your stupidity.

boag: "oh zeel, please, please ram me, please, please!"
it was such an uncomfortable feeling to reply to you. Knowing that whatever eloquence I scrounged up was a wasted effort.

and ChrisRedfield92

 I'm assuming 92 is the year of his birth and it shows. Take an IQ test, you'll be surprised by the results.


Alright, I'll admit that sometimes the way I post is sometimes meant to be somewhat provocative sometimes. Not in the trolling way, mind you, it's not like I'm like yelling "TFC IS FOR CASUAL!!" or "OP IS A FAGGOT" but my manner is sort of aggressive, that's because its meant to generate synapses in the minds of our youth. I say it in that manner because I don't want you idiots pussy footing about over the issues! However, sometimes I just don't give a crap about the youngins and I just want to participate in some light-hearten discussion.

And almost without fail, these are the moments that my harmless posts get blowned out of proportion. a single spark is turned into a pyre of pissing and moaning of various multitudes and I stand right in the center, scratching my head?  Somehow this harmless post.

Kicked off 5 pages of debate.

Crap like this pisses me off because it is as clear as the night sky in mid February of cold Canada evening. That these members were looking to engage me. They were picking for a fight and when they got it. They still want to piss about it? Unbelievable. I have over 1000 posts, at least 60% are posts MEANT to generate synapses, meant to probe you mind, challenge the status quo, provide an insightful comment.  and yet meaningless posts like THIS get blow up? come on!

Runner up.

There wasn't even a debate with this one.

SajuurkKhar you are such a fangirl, I would not be surprised if you had little Bioware plushies wedged up your cornhole. Honestly, I'd like to think it was the fact that I had argued her into a corner. That I was so undeniably in the right that her brain just sort of FLOOSH. Her mind like malufuntioned and her cognitive ability just took a long vacation. Thats what I would love to think, but, you know what? I suspect she really is that much of a fangirl. That she really and truly believed that above argument was good. I think her little Bioware figurines begged her to continue with her brainbustingly pathetic assualt, and so she did to the best of her ability.

And it wasn't even like her arguments were good before that particular reply, but atleast point A lead to point B, you know? Atleast they were coherent.  But after that reply, i think a little part of me died. Truly. I don't like fangirls, but I didn't really believe that they could exist in such purity. That somewhere out there, furiously replying to me, there was this young girl hungrily waiting for bioware to figuratively (and maybe literally) shove their fist up her ass.


She was pretty badass. Her posts were amusing and insightful half the time. Plus this post had me dying for minutes. 5 stars Kahuna! You have much potential! Don't get banned and continue the plight.

Special mention


Oh Dexter~
There was just something about your demeanor that just put a smile on my face. And the fact that you disliked me, just intensified the crush!  Your arguments were sound and your name and your avatar are so manly.

There are times that even I'm awed by my eloquency. Like, its obvious to the layman that my posts are undeniably better than generic poster fodder but sometimes I just shine so fucking bright I have to sit back and just read it over. I've narrowed it down to 3 posts.



It doesn't happen often, or usually at all. But sometimes, a post will just peg me so hard I flinch. You know, reading the same generic crap for a few pages and then BAM you see a post just define you to your core and I honestly have to laugh. because fuck were they so bang on it was undeniable really. There are only 3 instances of this but I must share them.

This one was unfortunate. I mean, jesus. It's like he invaded my head and riffled through my thoughts. THOUGH I WILL NEVER EVER BE A FANBOY. EVER.

Probably one of the only insightful things to come from this twats mouth.


Other than being framed, this one was pretty unfair.


he was kind of obnoxious but he had a decent sense of humour so I guess he was the best of the ridiculous bunch. I mean, its not saying much, but being number one is better than not, right?


Don't think I can't tell. I know when someone is secretly inlove with me. You must excuse me for leaking our most intimate conversations but I feel its fitting. However if you don't want them up, just say something and I will take them down. I will bleep out your name though cause I'm not that much of an asshole.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Zeel visits the Barn and meets animals.

My journey to find a forum where I am accepted had a little pitstop.

destructoid forums. Pitstop is kind of an exaggeration, it was more like a pissing behind a barn or something. Honestly, there were three alarm bells that went off in my head in the first 10 minutes.

1. The fact that some little grammar DOUCHE bag was just roaming free was my first warning sign. I can't get over how pompous he was. I made a joke by spelling armor, "armeur" and he JUMPED on it like some grammar vulture asshole. "OH NO ITS ARMOR AGGGGGGGH"
Honestly kid? Do you think you are the only guy in the universe who can spell words correctly? You didn't think for one second that perhaps the CAPS and exclamation point had some sort of significance? I mean, that just kills me. That's how you know you're dealing with a pseudo intellect, when everyone else can detect the joke but the GRAMMAR DOUCHE KING can not. That was all I needed to know about that little schmuck.



 Me flouncing him badly.

2. The second sign was the the gargantuan amount of crappy inane forum games.  Was it too much to expect that a gaming site have an entire section dedicated to actual game discussions. Apparently, only trivial and petty USELESS forum games get their own section! YAY! I mean, what could be more fun that rating someones avatar for 100 pages straight? It's like they get off on being intrepid morons. 

3.  Not using the gaming section to discus gaming, instead, GET THIS, there was  ONE ULTIMATE thread, doved "OFFICIAL _INSERT GAME HERE_ thread" where all the discussion were to be jammed pack in. Apparently there just isn't enough kb for gaming discussion yet plenty of virtual space for riveting discussions like "whats your favourite color?".

After these three signs I should've just blown the hatch, to be honest, but I wasn't banned, so whatever. Might as well give it a shot.

That changed today of course. See I essentially had the AUDACITY to challenge a moderator on a topic and when I posted "I'll leave when I'm ready". That apparently was his invitation to start waving his flaccid moderator dick around. Seriously, the internet does strange things to otherwise normal people. Give them a lick of power and watch their minds implode. I can just imagine him just getting off on his own action.


Please, the irony is so delicious though. I  mean, here, I am posting a very harmless L4d2 topic, looking for players and maps and of course i get completely railed by the TurboKill (actual forum name) Brigade. It's time like this I have to look inwards. What can I have possibly done to summon such dislike even when posting a very TAME and NICE topic. It boggles my mind sometimes.

These peasants just SPAM my thread with their crap and so I told them to piss off. How am I in the wrong for that? Someone explain that to me?

Like honestly, me being me, I know a thing or two about being a badass douche, but I was just ASKING FOR FUCKING LEFT 4 DEAD MAPS! There was absolutely NO NEED for that hostility

There was only a couple of forum members I liked; Usedtabe, The Virgin Queen and someone else I forget their name. I found their posts amusing. Virgin Queen especially, she was funny in the "oh she's trying to flame me again, how fucking misguided and adorable" way. (A for effort girl. My invitation for l4d2 still stands.) Every other attempt I found boring.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Zeel The Great. I am marvelous.

Zeel the Zealous! zeel the great!
is there not a game on this earth you don't hate?
your anger rightous and so pure
the idocy of others you will not endure!

you will fight this crusade, in the night and the day!
to destroy the evil tyrant EA!

Zeal the Zealous, Zeel the great!
will save us all from this awful fate!
logic and civility be damned!
for he is most Zealous in all the land!

Mass effect, a religion, with its army of drones!
the false god of Bioware you shall dethrone!

Zeel the Zealous! Zeel the great!
his weopons his wit! his fierce debate!
though others may mock, cast you out, an exile
your rightousness your courage, they cannot defile

though your heart becomes weary, you will travel this land
to find a place to to call home, to make your stand

Zeal the Zealous, Zeel the great!
a matyr for all.......may be his fate
for they did not listen, they have lost their way
their homes and their games..destroyed by EA

the exile wanders, and preaches the way
and he hopes in his heart he will see the day
of peace for all gaming....hope that it isnt too late
for he is our greatest hero, Zeel

the Zealous

The great 

Credit to Vault101 from Escapist/Destructoid.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Tsk tsk tsk Escapist. I thought you better.

See, I know what you did and I'm not impressed.

This was weak and a pathetic attempt. You really couldn't just wait until I "slipped" up. You had to go and FRAME me? What is this? Fucking Scooby Doo?! I'm just a man for god sakes. You people are like freaking out and just losing your complete shits over a FEW me3 threads/posts. Are you serious? What am I? Count fucking Dracula to you people? Seriously, I feel like I'm in the twilight zone where up is down! Left is Right! Red is Blue! The birds don't sing and presenting logical and coherent arguments are frowned on!

And FYI BILL GUY THE SCIENCE GUY or the jackass who was impersonating me. I don't use stupid phrases like "butt-hurt" and I wouldn't start off a sentence with "my name is Zeel". or use silly teenage girl phrases like "TOTALLY" Who do you take me for? A prepubescent girl? Thumbs down to this impersonation, you didn't even fucking try. They just slapped my name on an account and called it a day.

It's like being a legendary warrior who's triumphed against dragons, goblins, hoblins and all sorts of evil fanboys to ONLY be taken out by some little imp poisoning my drink! It's a ridiculous and an unfitting end. It is utterly beneath me. I deserve much better. I don't even get to go out in a FUCKING FLAMING blaze! FOR FUCK SAKES You guys are the uptmost scum to rob me of my OWN banishment. I can't even choose how I get banned? And you call me the troll?

This is worse than trolling. This is robbing a man's identity and integrity for some silly BADLY done cheapshot.

This is a travesty. A piss poor impersonating travesty.

Had you guys tried atleast to do a better impersonation, I would have chuckled and said "they got me" but NO. You had to bumble through this like the inept retard that you are.

Here I was being a nice guy about everything and letting you discuss how to get me banned ON MY OWN FREAKING BLOG and still you had to be a fucking bastard about this! I mean, right, how flexible and understanding was I? Did I not let you assholes rage and attack me, and whine and bitch and wail, and yell, and scream and throws a huge tantrums DAILY on escapist and on my blog. Did I not let you do that? Was I not being flexible? How many times have I reported you little pups when you guys clearly deserved it? Not once!

The worse part is that I actually felt sorry when some of you guys got warns for trying to provoke me. Why, I have no idea, obviously my sympathy is wasted on this pathetic bunch.

It boggles my mind that someone would even go through such pathetic lengths. Everyone knows I'm going to get banned eventually, you really really couldn't just wait? Was I that bad? Honestly? I mean I read my posts as of late, and they are the most water-downed, shredded to bits posts I've ever produced. It doesn't even feel like ME anymore, and people are distraught about that? For what? cause I said your silly game sucks? Well it does mate, IT DOES. AND SHOUT OUT TO RJ17! YOUR ARGUMENTS ARE PATHETIC. OMG OPINONS ARE ALL VALID EVEN IF BASED ON ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CREDIBLE!!! HUK HUK! you deserve to be dragged out of your house and set on FIRE!

I am just gravely disappointed with Escapist and whoever the impersonator is.

You couldn't even take me out like a man.

And you know what wounds me the most? Not the banned. Its the fact that anyone would think I'd produce such a SUBPAR post. "OMG TROLL WIT ME GUYS" really guys? someone believed this? THAT'S WHAT GNAWS AT ME! That someone on this planet thinks Zeals and KING MIGHTY ZEEL is the same person. That just, the cosmos are out of balance somewhere! I AM NOT ZEALS. Is this not OBVIOUS? Jesus christ, some of you are daft.

P.S. do you know any troll that goes around bragging on forums while they are STILL trolling? I trolled back in my youngin' days. (No I don't troll anymore) It goes without saying, that admitting your crime before you're caught would be the STUPIDEST move anyone could pull. And beneath me. I do not need to gloat. That's what my blog is for.

But proof for the unbelievers. I wont even use the email from the moderators detailing the real reasons I was banned. I think my evidence speaks for itself.

Links mentioned (Screenshots in order)

fact wouldn't release IP's = different IP's.

asshole trying to set me up on my own blog. The nerve of you guys.

Even Keele figures it out.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Why I can't take Fanboys Seriously

I can't begin to describe how much I hate fanboys of any kind. I use to debate between myself which I hated more, fangirls or fanboys. On one side, fangirls tend to pervert characters with their yaoi erotica bullshit. On the other end, fanboys tend to defend anything.

You know when America dropped that bomb on Hiroshima? Fanboys were there defending it. Fanboys are piglets, plain and simple. They act like little porkers so desperate for their entertainment, they'll take anything given to them. Even utter filth.

For example, this whole Day one DLC debacle for Mass Effect 3. Now, just to inform the less nerdier people out there (semi-spoilers, btw) Theres this big fucking heavily lore related character being removed from Mass Effect 3. Unless you pay 10 bucks.

Now, I like to think, I've had a few controversial opinions in my day, but I thought this issue was a done deal. Who in their right mind would defend a companies right to pilfer money from their customers?


Fanboys would defend this ! and this is where I fucking lose it. What moron lays down and ALLOWS, NAY, DEFENDS the right of a company to ream them up their ass? I thought I had a realistic view of the world before I ran into fanboys. We are selfish, we look after our needs first and thats our nature. Fanboys strive against this very principal, they want to be taken advantage of. THEY want to empty their wallets over at EB games. I can only pray that the social selection weeds you vermin out like the DNA trash that you guys are. You aren't worth five cents let alone this rant, but you'll get it, you shitheads. By god if you guys want to fuck up the world, you're going to fight for it.

I know you just want to buy the game, fine. Shut the hell up and get it. Don't come into topics/threads or discussions and defend it because YOU FEEL BAD about supporting this bullshit. Set your fucking ego aside. THats what it comes down to, these fuckwits want to feel better about being raped in their assholes. Whats worse is they never can defend it properly. I've been monitoring the thread over on BSN and surprise surprise, the Bioware loyalists are at maximum power.
"OMGO ENTITLED" If I have to hear some little shit call it entitlement one more time, I swear to god you will hear about me on the news after I beat that pompous assholes brains out.


this quasi-dice-and-slice-bullocks that Bioware is pulling is without defense. It is deplorable. If you're going to pretend you're a company thats about story and the RPG experience, then start acting like it. Stop holding content for hostage. People were already going to buy your game at fucking insane numbers, why do you NEED to squeeze that last penny? So intent to get that extra dollar, you would HACK AWAY pieces from the game for it? So you can buy another yacht? Fuck you Bioware, you guys almost as bad as EA games now. I hope in 4 years when they shut your asses down you can remember this debacle and hang your head down in utter shame, because you would deserve it.

It's like thinking is unacceptable when you become a Fanboy. You have to set aside reason and logic and in its place; fanaticism.

I mean this when I say it. People who defend this practice disgust me to my very core. Because it wont be long before these loyalists are defending DLC's that complete the game. We are just one step away from that ridiculous situation and I know there will be Biobots defending it.

I still defend your right as a consumer. even if you're going to make it fucking impossible.